Aunt Beverly and those that loved her

Beverly Buell is Amanda's aunt. Beverly has been heroically battling cancer for over a year. Yesterday she succumbed to it.

I'm a bit numb, so I don't know where this is going. So I'll just write. The only consolation that I can get from any of this is that she can finally rest. Goodbye, lovely lady with the golden heart and warm smile.

I've been with Amanda for 18 years and Beverly has woven through our lives in so many ways. When I first started dating Amanda, I was invited to spend Thanskgiving with her family. We drove down to San Luis Obispo and then joined her large extended family in Fresno. In Fresno I met Helen and Ben Buell, parents to Amanda's mom Bette and her aunt Beverly.

Grandpa Ben was a sweet man and grandma Helen a fiesty lady, that first terrified me until we became good friends. Beverly and Bette, her older syster and Amanda's mom, both get their strength from both of them. Heck Amanda get it from them too. These Buell women can fight, but man when they take you in their arms for a hug you'd think you were in heaven.

Bette was not only Beverly's big sister, but without a doubt also Beverly's best friend. Beverly took care of her parents Helen and Ben until they passed on and Bette took care of her sister until she joined them.

Shortly after I met her, Beverly had moved her parents to El Toro in Southern California to better take care of them in a retirement community called Leisure World. Amanda and I would visit Beverly whenever we could and have fond memories of visits to the place. It's a bit strange to think that's all in the past now.

Beverly's mom Helen was as tough as nails. She called it like it was, but for some reason seemed to think I was an ok guy. At least ok enough to be dating her grand-daughter. Maybe it was because she liked watching tennis and we would watch it with her. Maybe it was because she liked dancing and we would sometimes dance in the living room for her. Beverly took care of her aging parents without batting an eye. It was thankless work really, and Helen was not easy to take care of. But Beverly did it and I never heard her once complain. There were disagreements about how their parents should be taken care of between Bette, Beverly and their brother Bill. I wish these disagreements would have gotten cleared up before Beverly passed away. Their parents Ben and Helen would have wanted this, I'm sure.

When her parents had both passed away Beverly continued to work in the area and host us for visits. Leisure World is a strange gated retirement community. The security gates are staffed by retirees that have scrutinized me so many times about the purpose of my visits. Weird to now think how much I would miss that grilling just to see Aunt Beverly.

Last year about this time, we found out that Beverly had been diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread. When we found out Amanda immediately flew out and I stayed in Newcastle to look after the kids. Beverly had started chemo and the battle had begun. Amanda is now grateful that she had that good amount of time to visit with her. Beverly was not supposed to last a few weeks but she fought off the cancer and it had gone into remission. Unfortunately in the last two weeks the cancer had come back even stronger while the treatments had worn out Beverly. All we could do was watch from here and wish that there was something we could do.

It's late, I'm in a foul mood. The baby next door has been crying for hours. It's one of those days were you have to fight to think of something to smile about when all you feel like is crying.

Today it snowed. The flakes seemed to brighten the cold day. I like snow. It is peaceful. There were things to do when all I wanted was to just sit and look at them, zone out and think of time past; time playing guitar for Kristopher and Joseph on the lawn of Beverly and Helen's house, with Cecilia running about. I'd like to imagine that they're all hanging out again, reunited.

I miss you boys. I miss you Ben, Helen, Beverly and Cecilia.